Snow Covered Dreams
by Kite kcc
Summary: Wounded hearts reach out to comfort, protect, love... Part 1: Yuki, Part 2: Kyou, Part 3: Hatori and Momiji
1. Part 1: Yuki

**Snow Covered Dreams**

A Fruits Basket FanFiction

by:  Kite (kcc)

**Disclaimer:**

Rights to Fruits Basket belong to Takaya Natsuki (manga), Daichi Akitaro and Studio Deen (TV series).

**Spoiler Warnings:**

Nothing earth-shattering ^_^, but references will be made to scenes found in both the manga and the TV series.

**Note:**

Words in italics = emphasis

Phrases and sentences in italics = thoughts

*          *          *

_Out of the bosom of the Air,_

_Out of the cloud-folds of her garments_

_shaken,_

_Over the woodlands brown and bare,_

_Over the harvest-fields forsaken,_

_Silent, and soft, and slow_

_Descends the snow._

- _Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

*          *          * 

"Akito, why don't we have a tree?  My friend has one.  He calls it a Christmas tree and it's supposed to be filled with presents and sweets.  Can we have one, too?"

"You are such a naïve child.  Don't you know Christmas is only for normal people?  It isn't for people like us – it isn't for a child who turns into a disgusting rat."

"But—but my teacher says Christmas is for everyone.  That includes me, right?  Maybe we can—"

Yuki was not able to complete what he was saying because a heavy hand landed squarely on his cheek.  He raised a hand to touch that area of his face, which was now warm and stinging from the hard blow.  Yuki started to whimper as soon as he saw the whip in Akito's hand. 

"Didn't you understand what I just said?  You're an aberration of nature.  You don't deserve to celebrate Christmas."  The force of the blows sliced through Yuki's clothes, right through to his skin.

Yuki lost count of the number of times the whip came into contact with his body.  He closed his eyes and prayed that it would end soon.

Satisfied with the damage he had done, Akito flung the whip at Yuki.  "Now, go away."

Yuki tried not to cry.  He knew how much Akito hated seeing tears and he didn't want to anger his cousin even more.

He left Akito's room and ran down the dark hall, letting his tear flow freely.

_Why?  _

_Why wasn't I born normal?_

He stopped running when he reached his room.  He hastily wiped his tears away and arranged his shredded clothes – not wanting his other cousins to see him like this.  

_They would just be sad if they knew what happened._  

He slowly turned the knob and went in.  He was relieved to see that everyone was asleep.  He tiptoed past Kyou and Momiji's beds, quickly discarded his clothes and got into his pajamas before silently making his way to his own bed.  He sneaked a glance at his cousin, Hatsuharu, who was a light sleeper and saw that he, too, was sleeping soundly.

"Yun-chan?  Where'd you go?"

He gasped in surprise.  "Nowhere, Kagura-neesan.  I—I just went out to get a glass of water," he whispered.

Kagura was silent for a moment.  "Have you been crying, Yun-chan?"  She sat up and turned on the lamp on her bedside table.

Yuki nodded.  "I went to see Akito."  He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his pajama top.  

"Oh."  Kagura moved to make room for Yuki in her bed.  "Come here, tell me what happened."

Yuki climbed in and snuggled under the covers – he ignored the waves of pain that came when his beaten body touched something.  "Hey, Kagura-neesan.  Are we really that horrible?  Is what we are that frightening to people?"

Kagura held her younger cousin close.  "No.  What we are isn't our fault."

"But, Akito said…" Yuki sniffed.  "Akito said I was an aberration of nature.  I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it's something bad."

"You really shouldn't pay attention to what Akito says.  He's just a meanie."  Momiji whispered sleepily as he walked over to Kagura's bed, dragging a large stuffed bear along the floor.  "Why'd you go see him, anyway?"

Yuki snuggled even closer to Kagura.  He was grateful to have his cousins with him that night -- grateful that they had been allowed by Akito to sleep over.  He didn't know what he would have done if he were alone.  "I just wanted to ask him why…"

"Why what?"  Hatsuharu asked.  He rubbed his eyes as he walked over to them.  He sat beside Momiji.  "What are you talking about?"  

"I wanted to ask Akito if we could celebrate Christmas."

"You're such a _baka nezumi_, you know that?  You shouldn't have gone to him for that."  Kyou said angrily.  

"But, I wanted us to have a Christmas… like normal people."

Kagura sat up.  "I heard my classmates talk about their own Christmas celebrations.  I couldn't help but feel a little jealous."

"Did your teachers also tell you about Santa Claus?"  Yuki asked.

"Yes, she did.  Wouldn't that be great?  To meet a jolly, fat man who'll give you presents for being nice?"  Kagura's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Kyou wouldn't get a present then because he's never nice."  Momiji giggled.

"Oi!  I try to be, okay.  It's hard especially since I'm surrounded by such saps all the time."

*          *          *

Part One:  Yuki 

Souma Yuki looked out the window and watched the snow fall.  The light flakes blanketed everything in whiteness.  He viewed the scene in front of him with disinterest, tapping his fingers impatiently on the wooden frame of the window.

"Isn't it beautiful?  I love this time of year," the girl beside him exclaimed breathlessly.

He observed her – Honda Tooru.  Her hands were clasped over her chest and her face glowed with delight.  He allowed his gaze to linger a little longer; allowed himself to appreciate her wide-eyed fascination of, what was to him, a trivial event.

"Don't you just love winter, Souma-kun?"

_I hate it._

"It gets pretty cold out here.  Maybe we could go into town later to buy thicker blankets."  He didn't want to evade her question; he would have preferred telling her the truth, but he didn't want to ruin her good mood – or this moment with her.

"Oi, Tooru.  When's breakfast?  I'm hungry."

Yuki looked over his shoulder and glowered at his orange-haired cousin standing by the door.  "Baka neko.  Can't you fix your own breakfast?  Didn't Shi-han teach you how to do that?"

Across the room, Souma Kyou casually leaned on the doorframe and looked at his cousin.  Normally, he would have jumped at the chance to get into a fight with him, but he understood why Yuki wasn't his usual calm, composed self.  

He turned to Tooru.  "I'll go outside to train a bit.  I'll be back in a few minutes."

Tooru hurried over to where he stood.  "Are you sure you want to go out, Kyou-kun?  It's snowing.  You might catch a cold."

"Heh, this is nothing.  It's colder up in the mountains.  I'll be fine."  He patted her head and ruffled her hair affectionately.  "I'll be back for breakfast and it better not be leeks or green onions or anything nasty," he warned.

Yuki was surprised by Kyou's reaction.  He had deliberately baited him, hoping to get into a fight, hoping for a chance to vent out his anger and frustration.  

He watched Kyou leave the room.  "Baka neko," he muttered under his breath.

"Souma-kun?  Later when we go out, maybe you can also help me pick out Christmas presents for everyone."  Tooru twirled the yellow velvet ribbon in her hair.  "I saved up a bit of my money and I want to make sure I get everyone something they would enjoy."

How could he tell her?  Tell her that he didn't want to?  Tell her that he hated winter and Christmas and all the fuss that came with it?

He gazed into her eyes, saw her excitement and delight, and knew he couldn't.  He walked over to her, brushed the back of his hand on her smooth cheek and smiled.

Tooru blushed, her cheek tingling from his touch.  How many nights had she dreamt of such a moment with her prince?  She could see that he was puzzled by her reaction and she was still unprepared to explain the matter to him.  "I'll go downstairs to prepare breakfast now," Tooru mumbled, rushing out of the room.

When she left, it was as though the room had lost its life.  He was alone in it and everything around him felt strangely colder, darker – radically different from when she was in there with him.

"I hate this."  He couldn't stand it any longer – he left the room and went after her.

*          *          *

Kyou tried to block out the freezing cold wind as he went through the slow, contemplative motions of T'ai Chi, a Chinese martial arts he had learned during his four-month disappearance.  The meditation that came with doing T'ai Chi calmed him and helped him balance the conflicting energies within him.  

He tried to remember the Taoist precepts he had learned, hoping it would help him concentrate, but none came to mind.

What occupied his thoughts was his cousin, Yuki.  He was mildly annoyed at himself for feeling sympathy for his archenemy.

_You'd think he'd be over it by now._

He knew why Yuki hated this time of year.  He was there when the unfortunate incident happened, years ago when they were still children.

_You'd think he'd have found a way to cope._

When he was done, he realized that he had spent far too much time outside and was late for breakfast.  He rushed back to the house.

He slid the door open.  "I lost track of the time," he said as he tried to catch his breath.

"That's okay, Kyou-kun.  We're just about to start.  I decided that, since it's such a beautiful day, I would serve something special and it took longer than expected to prepare."  Tooru smiled sheepishly.  "Why don't you go change first?  We'll wait for you."

"Just don't take too long, Kyou-kun.  I'm bursting in anticipation to taste Tooru-kun's special breakfast meal."  Shigure gleefully rubbed his hands together.  "Now, which one to try first?"

"Why don't you act more your age Shigure, and stop clowning around."  Yuki remarked angrily.

Shigure chuckled.  "Just because you don't particularly enjoy this season doesn't mean you can take it out on poor little me."

Yuki's eyes narrowed.  "Shut up, Shigure."  

Tooru was stunned at what she heard.  _Souma-kun?  Not like winter?  She turned to face him, the question in her eyes.  __Why?_

When he made no move to look at her; when he made no move to explain to her, she decided to let the matter go – for the moment.

_Souma-kun must have his reasons.  I should respect that._

"Hey, Tooru-kun?  Didn't you bake a cake last night?  Can I pretty-please have a slice?"  Shigure gave Tooru his best Bambi-eyes impression.

Tooru giggled.  "I was hoping to serve it at lunch, but now is as good a time as any to eat it."

"I'd like a slice!"  Shigure raised his hand and waved it in the air.

"Me, too."  Kyou called out as he was running down the stairs, buttoning his shirt along the way.  

Tooru waited for Yuki to reply.  "How about it?  A nice big slice of strawberry shortcake?"

Yuki smiled gratefully.  "Yes, that would be great."

Tooru stood and went into the kitchen.  "Go ahead and start.  I won't be long."

When she was safely out of hearing distance, Kyou walked over to Yuki and whacked his cousin in the head before sitting in front of him.  "She doesn't know how you feel about this, so let her be.  Don't ruin this for her.  She deserves to be happy, too."

Yuki glared at his cousin.  How dare Kyou lecture him on how to behave.  "I know.  I'm trying, okay?  It's hard, but I'm trying."  He articulated every word through gritted teeth.  "Why the hell should we celebrate Christmas in the first place."

"You know, I would expect such nasty, anti-social behavior from Kyou-kun."  Shigure commented as he took a bite of the snowman-shaped _onigiri.  "I don't like it either, but we should strive to give Tooru-kun a normal Christmas."_

The three cousins looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"She's expecting me to go buy presents with her later."  Yuki sighed.  "I don't know how I'm going to survive that."

"Just remember who you're with and everything will be okay," Shigure answered.

*          *          *

Tooru suppressed a giggle as she watched Kyou and Yuki juggle the packages in their hands.

"Tooru, are you planning to buy a present for the entire universe or something?"  Can't we go home yet?  I'm tired."

"So typical of you to have so very little stamina for shopping."  Yuki pushed past Kyou and walked beside Tooru.  "Have you gotten something for everyone on your list?"

Tooru nodded.  "Almost everyone."  She pulled out her list.  "Let's see.  I still don't know what to get for Hatsuharu-san and Kisa-san."

"Battle Christmas Presents!  Why not just get one present for everyone and let them slug it out – no time outs, no referees, no holds barred -- the last man standing gets the present."  Kyou answered impatiently.

"You can get Kisa something related to her favorite anime series and you can get Haru something for his bicycle or something to help him improve his sense of direction – a compass or something."  Yuki offered.

"No, get Haru a long, long chain.  Something he can use to tie himself up with.  That way, he doesn't cause me any trouble."  Kyou pronounced – he still hadn't forgotten the incident with the rope during the annual school marathon.

"That's a great idea, Souma-kun.  I didn't know you had such a knack for choosing gifts.  He's good at it, isn't he?"

Kyou knew what Tooru was trying to accomplish and he wasn't going to be the one to ruin her plans.  "For a rat, he _is useful for __some things," he conceded._

Tooru smiled gratefully at Kyou.  "When we're done, I'll buy you guys something warm to drink.  I think we all deserve a nice, hot cup of tea."

When they returned home, Kagura was already at the gate waiting.  After a hasty greeting to Yuki and Tooru, she immediately launched herself at Kyou, causing him to fall backwards and drop the packages.

"Kagura, get off me!  My clothes are getting soaked and I might get sick."  Kyou tried to pry Kagura's arms from around his neck.

"My beloved Kyou is teasing me again."  Kagura giggled and tightened her hold on him.  She noticed the boxes scattered all over the ground.  "Why are there so many packages?"  She shook him vigorously, demanding an answer.  "**What aren't you telling me?"**

"Um, Kagura-san?  Those are my packages.  Kyou-kun was just helping me carry them."

"Oh."  Kagura let go of Kyou and reverted back to her quiet self.  "Are they presents?  I had almost forgotten that it's nearly Christmas."  She looked at Kyou apologetically.  "I still haven't gotten anything for you/"

"Leaving me alone will be enough."  Kyou answered gruffly, brushing the snow off his jacket and pants.  "You really have to control yourself, woman.  I don't think my clothes could survive another ambush like that."

Yuki tapped Tooru lightly on the shoulder.  "I'll go ahead and bring the packages in."

Before Tooru could say anything, Yuki had already started walking towards the house.  She wanted to follow him, but she wasn't sure how he would feel about that.

_What should I do?_

"Don't worry about Yun-chan.  He'll be okay once the snow starts to melt."  Kagura cuddled closer to Kyou.  

"Kagura, this isn't any of your business."  Kyou interrupted.

"But, I want to understand why Souma-kun is so…"  Tooru searched for the right word.

"Hostile?  Not his usual polite, reserved self?"  Kagura offered.  She looked at Kyou, as though to ask permission to continue.  "Something happened a long time ago and it seems that Yun-chan still hasn't forgotten."

"Does this have something to do with being part of the Jyuunishi?"  Tooru could barely conceal her worry.

Kyou snorted in exasperation.  "Do you even have to ask that question?  Of course it does.  Everything in our lives is affected by that damned curse."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Kagura wanted to reply, but Kyou quickly covered her mouth.  "It's best to talk to Yuki about that."

*          *          *

Yuki hastily deposited Tooru's packages in the front hall before going to his vegetable garden – his secret base.

He sat on the tree trunk facing his vegetable patch and looked at the snow-covered ground in front of him.  His plants had entered dormancy and there was nothing to see – not a patch of green anywhere, only the blankness of snow.

_Damn this season._

He heard footsteps treading lightly, almost hesitantly, on the frozen ground.  "Walk a little slower, make sure you've got your balance before you take the next step or you'll slip and fall again," he said, not even bothering to look up to acknowledge her.  "You don't have to worry about me.  I'll be fine."  He managed to say in a more neutral tone.

Tooru knelt down in front of him, forcing him to look at her.  "But I already am.  It's very unusual for me to see you get upset over something.  You're usually the calm one."  She took hold of his hand.  "Can't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Yuki looked into her eyes and saw the worry and concern she felt for him.  He squeezed her hand and paused for a moment, trying to decide how he would explain it to her.

"There's this haiku by Joso Naito."  He stood up, his hand still holding on to hers.  "It always comes to mind during winter.  It's supposed to be about how snow is the great equalizer.  How everything becomes the same when it's covered in snow."

It took Tooru a minute to make sense of what he had just said.  "Um, I'm not sure I understand."

_"Mountains and plains,_

_captured by snowfall –_

_nothing remains."_

"Oh, it's a very… profound haiku," she said politely.

"It's also a lie."  Yuki answered, his tone matter-of-fact.  "Look at my garden.  Everything's gone.  Everything that I have that allows me my moment of normalcy has been erased by this damned snow."  He made a broad, sweeping gesture with his free hand.  "Gone."

He gave her a rueful smile.  "I'll try not to ruin this season for you, though.  You deserve to be happy."

Tooru frantically searched her mind for something to say.  Yuki moved to disengage his hand from hers, but she held on to it tightly.  "You—you deserve to be happy, too.  Stop believing that you don't, because you do.  We all do."

"Even the _baka neko_?"  Yuki asked – half-joking, half-serious.

Tooru smiled.  "Yes, even Kyou-kun."  She tugged his hand.  "Come with me.  I want to show you something."

They walked towards the forest.  At first, Yuki didn't know where she was leading him but, when they reached a familiar clearing, he realized where she was taking him to.

They stopped in front of the large slope where Tooru's tent used to stand.

"Before winter came, all you could see was a ton of mud and rocks covering what used to be my home.  It was an ugly sight."  Tooru knelt and touched the snow.  "Look at it now.  Wouldn't you agree that this is a vast improvement from before?"

She looked up at him.  "Do you know what I like about snow?  It's like a blank slate.  You can do anything you want with it."

Yuki could see her hands picking up lumps of snow and patting them into a shape.  When she was done, she stood up, moved aside and showed him her handiwork.

She had made snow images of everyone in their animal forms.

"It's not true that nothing remains.  See?"  She pointed at the snow rat.

He knelt down and ran his hand on the icy likeness of himself.  It was a cartoon version of him – it looked like something one would like to hug and pet.  It was unlike the image he had in his mind.

In that moment, he did see – see what a blessing Honda Tooru was to his cursed existence.  He longed to embrace her; to tell her how he felt about her; to hold her tightly and let her know just how important she was to him.

But he knew he couldn't.  Not at that moment.  Not ever.

_Still._

He rose and faced her, taking firm hold of both her hands in his.  "Honda-san…"  He hesitated for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug.  In that split second before he transformed, he reveled in the warmth of her body and the feel of her pressed to him.  

Tooru waited for the now too-familiar smoke to clear before searching for Yuki.  "Souma-kun?"

"I'm right here, Honda-san."  Yuki tugged at her sock.  "I'm sorry about that.  I didn't mean to surprise you—"

"No, no.  It's okay."  She knelt down on the snow in front of him and picked him up.  "I'm glad that Souma-kun feels comfortable enough around me to express his feelings."  She placed him on her lap and started to fold his clothes.  "In truth, Souma-kun, this time of year also brings so many unhappy memories for me.  I remember when my mother was still alive and I feel sad.  I miss her so much and I wish I could spend all my Christmases with her… but she's gone now and I'm alone."  She sighed.  "We just have to make the best of what we have."

"And what do I have, Honda-san?  What is it that I have that I can make the best of?"

"You have me."  She smiled, stroking his small, furry head.  "You have me and Kyou-kun, Shigure-san, Hatsuharu-san, Momiji-san, Ayame-san—"

In the next instant, he transformed back to his human form.  After the smoke cleared, he realized to his horror where he had been and where he was now – he had been resting on her lap and, now –

He was naked and he had knocked her over.  Tooru was on the snow beneath him.  "I'm so sorry, Honda-san.  I didn't know— I didn't expect."  He quickly removed himself and picked up his shirt.  "These periods between transformations are so erratic.  I hadn't meant to—"

Her laughter stopped him from further apologizing.  

"What's so funny?"

"You.  Us."  She showed him her wrinkled, wet coat and pointed to his own damp clothing.  "We're a mess!"  She laughed louder.  "When Shigure-san and Kyou-kun see us, they'll think—"  She stopped laughing and started blushing.  "What I meant to say was… I… um…"

Her cheeks had turned a lovely shade of pink and he thought she was the most adorable creature he had ever met.  He raised her chin up with his finger.  "We better head back.  No doubt Shigure's already moaning about being hungry."

~ Next chapter:  Kyou 

*          *          *

**Author's Notes:**

The title of the fic is a line from Linkin Park's "My December".

The poem at the beginning of the fic is the first stanza of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "Snow-Flakes".

re:  Yuki's attitude about winter – I made this up.  The anime and the manga both skip over the Christmas celebration (they celebrated New Year and Valentine's Day, but not Christmas.)

re:  Kyou's "Battle Christmas Presents!" – In episode 7, their class was trying to decide how to market their _onigiri_ booth during the _Bunkasai_.  Kyou suggested the Battle Onigiri (which I thought was so funny!  I couldn't resist including another one of his "Battle ___" in this story. ^_^).

The haiku Yuki recites was written by Joso Naito:

No mo yama mo 

_Yuki ni torareta_

Nani mo nashi 

Sawa (Sakura Taisen fanfic writer) translated it for me (thanks!).


	2. Part Two: Kyou

_Lay your sleeping head, my love,_ Human on my faithless arm… 

- _W.H. Auden_

*          *          *

Part Two:  Kyou 

"Kyou-kun?  Hold my hand tighter."  Kagura instructed.  "It is said that the measure of one's love for another is directly proportionate to how tightly that person holds his or her loved one's hand."

After Yuki disappeared and Tooru went after him, it didn't take much for Kagura to persuade Kyou to go Christmas shopping with her.  At first, Kyou tried to beg off, explaining that he was tired and wanted to rest, but Kagura was able to convince him to go after she twisted his arm – literally.

Kyou sighed in resignation and tightened his grip.  "Where'd you hear such nonsense?"  He muttered as they walked.

"I read it in a magazine.  And it is **not** nonsense."  Kagura's voice started to change.  "**I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU CALL THINGS IMPORTANT TO ME 'NONSENSE'.**"

Kyou lost all feeling in his hand from lack of blood circulation.  "Woman, if you don't stop squeezing the life out of my hand, I will never agree to hold hands with you again."

Hearing that, Kagura calmed down and pouted.  "You—you don't mean that," she said in a small voice before once again transforming into her other self.  "**YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME!**"  She grabbed his head in a headlock and squeezed it.

Around them, they could hear passers-by whisper, "Poor kid." and  "Is he still breathing?  Kagura ignored them.  "**HOW CAN YOU SPEAK TO THE FUTURE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN LIKE THAT?!!**"

Kyou gasped for air.  "That will never happen if you don't stop suffocating me!"

Kagura instantly let go of Kyou's head and dropped to her knees beside him.  "Oh my darling Kyou, who did this to you?"

Kyou wheezed, gulping in much needed oxygen.  He glared at her, part of him was really irritated with Kagura's sudden outbursts, but the other part of him didn't mind it – she was, after all, one of the few people who knew about his secret and didn't seem to mind being near him.  "Kagura, I'll take you Christmas shopping tomorrow.  Let's just go home now."

Kagura helped him get up,  "I'm really sorry, Kyou-kun.  I guess I don't know my own strength."

Kyou sighed, took hold of her hand and dragged her home.

*          *          *

They bumped into Tooru and Yuki at the gate of Shigure's house.

"Oi, where are you two going?"

"I'm going over to Hatori-san's house and Souma-kun is coming with me."

Kyou looked at Tooru and then at Yuki.  Somehow, seeing the two of them together annoyed him.  "Don't stay too long.  It's getting dark already."  He directed his instructions to Yuki.

"We won't!"  Tooru laid her hand on Yuki's arm.  "Shall we?"

Kyou didn't understand why he felt the way he did as he watched Tooru leave with Yuki.  He was jealous – jealous of Yuki; jealous because Tooru was so concerned about his cousin earlier that day; he was jealous because Tooru and Yuki spent so much time with each other, and that sudden insight bothered him. 

_It's as if that damned woman meant something to me.  _

But she did – and he knew it.  

"Kyou-kun?"  Kagura noticed Kyou clench and unclench his hands.  "Are you okay?"  It wasn't the question she wanted to ask him -- the question she had in mind would have brought her face-to-face with a truth she had tried to deny all this time.  

_Kyou-kun's in love with her._

Kagura had figured this out a long time ago.  As much as she liked Tooru, she wasn't quite ready to give up Kyou.  She clung to his hand more tightly.  "Are you okay?"  She was about to repeat her question a third time.  "Kyou-kun—"

"Of course I am," he snapped.  "Why the hell shouldn't I be?"  He forcefully pulled away from her and walked into the house.  "What a dumb question to ask."

His remark hurt her feelings, but she tried to shrug it off as best she could.  She knew he had a fiery temper and was capable of shredding a person's feelings with his sharp tongue.  

Ever since they were children, she had made allowances for his anger and even made excuses for his many blunders.  

She had stood by him all these years.

_Because I love him.  _

Without hesitation, she pursued him – breaking down Shigure's paper-paneled door in the process.

*          *          *

"Here."  Tooru laid down more sheets of Japanese paper beside Kagura.  "Are you sure you don't need my help?"

Tooru and Yuki arrived late that evening to find the sliding door destroyed – again.  Kagura was busy trying to patch up the door and Kyou was nowhere to be found.

Kagura shook her head.  "I can handle this, thank you."

Tooru shivered as a gust of cold wind blasted through the opening.  She looked down at Kagura, clad in her short dress, trying to stifle a sneeze.  "Let me at least lend you a sweater."

Once again, Kagura shook her head.  "No, thank you.  I'll be fine."

"Okay."  Tooru turned around to leave.  

"Tooru-kun?  Is he still mad at me?"

"Shigure-san will be okay after the door has been repaired."  The darkness concealed the smile on Tooru's face.  "Honestly, I'd have thought this time he'd agree to buy a new door instead of having us patch this one up again."

Kagura giggled.  "This door has taken quite a beating, hasn't it?"  She glanced up at Tooru.  "I'm really sorry.  I don't know why that happens to me and I can't control what I do."

"It isn't your fault, Kagura-san."

Kagura gave a crooked smile.  "Is _Kyou-kun_ still mad at me?"

Tooru sighed, joined Kagura on the floor and started to cut the paper into the proper size.   "Kyou-kun is just being Kyou-kun.  He needs time to calm down."

Kagura leaned back, resting her weight on her hands.  "You know him so well."

It was Tooru's turn to shake her head.  "Not half as well as you do."   

"I do know him quite well, don't I?"  Somehow, Tooru's admission sparked a feeling of pride within Kagura.  "We've been together since we were children and I'm probably the only one who took the effort to get to know him."

Tooru handed Kagura a paper cut-out in the shape of a cat.  "You really like Kyou-kun, don't you, Kagura-san?"

Kagura took the paper cut-out and smiled, her expression softened.  "Like?  No.  Love?  Yes.  Deeply and eternally.  I've loved him for as long as I can remember," she declared eagerly.  "Kyou-kun has always been treated as an outsider in our family.  At first, I thought it was just pity that I felt for him, but I realized that, underneath that bad-tempered exterior is a lovable person."  Kagura smiled and nudged Tooru.  "You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun?"

"What the hell are the two of you thinking?  Fixing the door in this infernal cold at this god-forsaken hour?"

Kagura's face instantly brightened when she realized who it was.  "Kyou-kun!"

Tooru could not recover as quickly as Kagura.  Her mind was still reeling from Kagura's question.  "We were just—I mean…"

Kyou grumbled in exasperation.  He grabbed the roll of tape from Kagura's and the pair of scissors from Tooru.  "The two of you go to bed.  I can finish this faster without the two of you hovering about and chatting like a bunch of bees."

When they left, Kyou set about to finish repairing the door.  He grumbled when he saw the animal paper cut-outs on the floor.  _Women._  He snipped a strip of tape and pasted the paper cut-out of the cat on the door.  He snipped another piece of tape and pasted the paper cut-out of the mouse next.  Before long, the sliding door was spotted with paper representations of all the members of the Jyuunishi.

The sun was already peeking out from the darkness when Kyou finished fixing the door and installing it.  He rubbed his arms together to warm himself.  He yawned, stepped back to admire his own handiwork.  He caught sight of the _onigiri_ cut-out and touched it.

He remembered the question Kagura asked Tooru.  _You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun?_  He had been on the roof and had not meant to hear their conversation.  But he did.  He had always known how Kagura felt about him, had taken it for granted many times before.  He hated to admit it but, hearing her declare her love for him warmed his heart and made him feel good.  Many times he _did_ wish he could reciprocate the feeling, but he couldn't.

He felt those feelings for someone else and he wondered if she returned the emotions.  _You also like Kyou-kun, don't you Tooru-kun?_  He remembered how hard his heart was pounding in his chest when Kagura asked Tooru that question.  He wanted to stay quiet and wait for her answer, but he couldn't bear it.

He didn't know what he would do if he found out how she felt for him.  

He was afraid to know.

He looked at the black and white bracelet on his wrist.  _Who'd love me with this curse?_

"I do."

Only then did Kyou realize that he had unwittingly asked the question out loud.

"I do, Kyou-kun."

He didn't bother to turn around, was embarrassed to do so because of the blush that colored his cheeks.  "What are you doing up so early?"

He heard her walk toward him, her skirt rustling with each step.  "I wanted to see if you needed any help.  The screen door _was_ my fault, you know."

She heard his sharp intake of breath when she took his hand, raised it to her face and rubbed her cheek on his knuckles.  "I know you don't believe me, Kyou-kun but, you are someone worthy of love.  Please don't think that you aren't."

"You're different, Kagura.  Of course you'll say you love me – that's because we're cousins."

She shook her head.  "Even if we weren't, I still think I'd feel the same way about you."  

She knelt and pulled him down to sit beside her.  "Come here, Kyou-kun."  She patted her lap.  "I know you've been up all night, come here and rest a bit."

He did as he was told.  He rested his head on her lap.  "Kagura-neesan."  Somehow, calling her that brought back memories of them when they were children:  he remembered how she took hold of the hand he offered and how much fun he had playing with her from that day on.  He felt her hand gently stroke his hair.  "I'm sorry for being such a pain all the time."

"I'm sorry for being such a pest all the time."  She smiled and said, "You don't have to be so afraid that people won't accept you once they find out your secret.  I found out and I'm still here, aren't I?"

He snorted in reply.

"And so is Yun-chan and Shi-chan and… even Tooru-kun."

She felt him tense when she mentioned Tooru's name.  "She _did_ see your true form and, instead of running away, she ran towards you.  She went after you, even though it was dark and raining… even though she was scared.  She went after you and brought you home."  She leaned over him and whispered in his ear, "You can stop being afraid, you can stop running away now –you're home and there are people here who love you and care about you."

He heard her voice – sweet, soothing.  His eyes felt heavy and he couldn't make out what she was saying anymore, but he knew the meaning of her words.  _I'm home._  He yawned once and then closed his eyes.

"Look, the sun is rising."  Kagura pointed to the horizon, amazed at the awesome display of colors.  Her eyes widened as she watched the sky turn from a deep black to a light purple and then to a light orange.  "Have you seen anything more beautiful than that, Kyou-kun?"

When she didn't get an answer, she knew he had fallen asleep on her lap.

**~Next Chapter:  Hatori and Momiji**

*          *          *

**Author's Notes:**

The excerpt at the beginning of this chapter is from W.H. Auden's poem "Lullaby".

_Kagura instantly let go of Kyou's head and dropped to her knees beside him.  "Oh my darling Kyou, who did this to you?"_ – this is also something that recurs in the TV series.  Kagura, as her "dark" self, beats Kyou up, but when she reverts back to her "norma" self, she does not seem to remember that she's the one who hurt him in the first place.  (See episode 4 of the TV series or Volume 1, Chapter 5 of the manga.)__


	3. Part Three: Hatori and Momiji

Part Three:  Hatori and Momiji 

*Contains spoilers about Momiji's past (for those who haven't read Chapter 23, Volume 4 of the manga.). 

Hatori surveyed his room, pleased that he was to clean it in record time.

_One last thing to do._

He walked over to his bookcase and picked up the framed image of his beloved and dusted it carefully.

His beloved.  Souma Kana.

_I wonder what she's doing now._

A soft rapping on his door interrupted his reverie.  "Hari!  Guess who's here to see you."

Hatori opened the door and found his cousin Momiji standing there.  "Well Momiji, who is it?"

Momiji smiled and pushed Tooru forward.  "She came bringing presents for me and she has something for you, too.  Yuki's outside waiting for her."  Momiji nudged Tooru forward.  "Go ahead, Tooru."

Tooru kept her head bowed.  She was still a little intimidated of Hatori, despite having known him for over two years now.  "This is for you, Hatori-san."  She held out the present.  "It really isn't anything.  Just a simple token."

Hatori reached out to receive the gift.  "Thank you."  He moved aside.  "Please, come in."

"Hari isn't used to stuff like this."  Momiji giggled and poked Hatori on his side.

Tooru blushed.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to put you in an awkward position."

"No, no.  You misunderstood.  I—Thank you.  It's been a while since I received any kind of present from anyone, especially from someone outside of my family."  Hatori studied the box in his hand.  "I'll really treasure this, Honda-kun."

"But you can't open your present yet, Hari."  Momiji lectured.  "You'll have to wait until Christmas to find out what Tooru got for you."

Hatori walked over to his desk and placed the gift on top.  "You must be cold from your walk.  Momiji, why don't you go find us something to drink."

Momiji nodded.  "Okay!  I think I'll go ask Yuki if he wants a drink, too.  Don't talk about anything important until I come back, okay?"

Hatori waited until Momiji disappeared into the corner before turning his attention to Tooru.  "You really didn't have to, you know.  It would have been okay if--"

"But I wanted to," she blurted out.  "You take such great care of everyone, including me.  This is my way of thanking you."  Tooru spied the rag in his hand.  "Oh, were you cleaning?  Did we disturb you?  I'm so sorry.  Would you like me to help?"

Hatori had forgotten about the rag.  "Just some minor dusting."  He hastily stuffed it into his jacket pocket.  "So, how are Shigure, Kyou and Yuki?"

"Shigure-san is trying to finish another manuscript, but he gets so easily distracted by everything that he hasn't even written ten pages."

"That's typical of Shigure."  He smiled.  "Have you read any of his works?"

"I could never find the time to read his serious stuff.  They're too long and too cerebral for me."  Tooru grinned sheepishly.  "My friend Hana-chan and I have been following his … _other_ work, though."

"Ah."  

"But, I promised him that I'd read his novels during the summer break."

"No doubt that pleased him to no end."  Hatori leaned back on his chair.  "What about Kyou and Yuki?"

"They're fine.  I'm worried about Yuki's weak bronchi – he's outside the compound right now and it's pretty cold, which is why I can't stay for very long.  Kyou insists on continuing his training despite the cold -- I'm also worried that he might get sick."

It pleased Hatori to know that there was someone looking out for his younger cousins.  He looked at Honda Tooru intently, listened to her talk about the situation in Shigure's house.  

_She reminds me so much of Kana.  _

_Will she turn out like Kana did?_

He tried to block the horrible thoughts from his mind, but he couldn't.  He watched her, this beautiful, vibrant girl who had breathed life and brought light to the Souma family.

_Will Yuki and Kyou be stronger than I was?  _

_Will they be able to protect her?_

He wasn't able to save Kana.  He hadn't been strong enough to hold on to their dreams.

_Would I have to erase this girl's memory as well?_

"Hatori-san?  Could you come over to the house this Sunday?  It's Christmas Eve and I'm going to prepare a Christmas dinner and—"

"Hey, no fair!  Why does Hari get invited and not me?"  Momiji returned with three cans cradled in the crook of his arm.  "Yuki still refuses to come in even though his teeth are chattering."   He rushed in and offered a can to Tooru before giving one to Hatori.  "I want to go, too."

Tooru opened her can and took a sip of the warm tea.  "You're invited, too.  Everyone is."

"Really?  Wow!  This is going to be so much fun."  Momiji clapped his hands in glee.  "I wonder if we can get Haru to wear something more festive for the occasion."

Tooru giggled.  "I'm looking forward to it, too.  It's the first time I'm celebrating Christmas with so many people.  I usually just spend it with my mother.  I do hope you can make it."  She fiddled with the ribbon in her hair.

Momiji pulled at Hatori's sleeve.  "So, what do you think Hari?  Do you think we can go?"

Hatori looked down at Momiji and nodded.

"H'ray!"  Momiji grabbed hold of Tooru's hand and pulled her up.  "Come!  Maybe you can convince Yuki to come in and the two of you can help me decide what to wear on Sunday.  See you later, Hari!"

When the door slid shut, Hatori rose from his chair and pulled out the heavy suitcase from under his bed.  He opened it and continued to pack his clothes.  

_I wonder if anyone knows._  

He'd been planning this for months now.  He was finally going to run away from the Souma family.

He retrieved Kana's photograph from the shelf.  _I should have done this a long time ago.  Then maybe…_

He ran his finger down Kana's face.  _Maybe._  He felt the familiar ache in his heart.  He felt the familiar loneliness and longing.  He clutched at his chest, as though to stop himself from feeling the pain, the regret -- the sadness.

He placed the framed photograph on top of his clothes before shutting his suitcase.

*          *          *

Hatori checked his watch.

_It's time._

The moment had finally come – it was time for him to leave.

He looked over his room one last time and glimpsed the red and gold package that had been sitting on top of his desk since Friday.

_I wonder what Honda-kun got for me._  Seeking to satisfy his curiosity, he sat on his bed and tore open the wrapping.

It was a snow globe, but this one did not contain the usual winter landscape.

He read the note that came with the package.

_Dear Hatori-san,_

_Do you know what snow turns into when it melts?_

_Spring._

_Thank you for taking care of all of us.  We wouldn't know what we would do without you._

_Merry Christmas!_

He shook the snow globe, watched the cherry blossoms float about a miniature park and laughed quietly.

He reread the message.  

_All of us._

Images of his younger cousins' faces flitted across his mind.

_What we would do without you._

He remembered the many times Yuki could come crying to him, soaking his shirt and handkerchief with his tears.  He remembered the look on Momiji's face after he had erased his mother's memory.

He had always considered these memories too painful to bear and had wished several times that he could erase his own memory.

_What would have happened if I hadn't been there?_

He remembered the vulnerability he saw in Kyou's eyes.  He could picture vividly Kyou's angry eyes that tried to conceal the feelings of insecurity and of being lost.

And the sight of Kisa's badly battered body.

_If I hadn't been there._

_What would have happened to them if I hadn't been there?_

With a sigh, he opened his suitcase and took out Kana's photograph and returned it to its place on the shelf.

He checked his watch for the second time that night.

_It's almost time._

He carefully adjusted his necktie before leaving his room.  Outside, he saw Momiji lounging on a chair, hugging his overcoat to his chest, waiting for him.

"Ah, Hari.  I was beginning to worry that you wouldn't change your mind about leaving.  I would have missed you terribly."  Momiji got up from his seat and held out Hatori's coat.  "Shall we?  They're probably wondering where we are already."

"Do me a favor, Momiji and don't tell anyone."

Momiji winked impishly.  "I won't, Hari."

Hatori spotted the large brown box on the floor beside Momiji.  "What's in that?"

"It's a surprise.  I had it flown in from Germany."

They walked to the garage where Hatori's car was parked.  "Where's Haru?"

"Haru went ahead.  He said he had to settle something with Kyou before the party."  Momiji tapped a finger on his chin.  "I hope he doesn't get lost going there by himself."  After a moment of deliberation, Momiji shrugged.  "Oh well, we can always send out a search party for him later, right?"

Halfway to Shigure's house, Hatori noticed that Momiji was fidgeting in his seat.  "What is it, Momiji?"

"If it isn't too much trouble, can we stop by somewhere first?  I just need to do something."

Hatori didn't wait for Momiji to explain – he knew where Momiji wanted to go.  "We can't stay for very long, though."

Momiji nodded.  "I know."

*          *          *

Hatori shut off the engine and leaned back on his seat.  _I wonder what Momiji is planning to do._  He looked out the car window and up at the penthouse of the tall building, ignoring the snowflakes that landed on his face.  _I hope he knows what he's doing._

Momiji rang the doorbell and waited anxiously for the door to open.

He'd been anticipating this moment for weeks now, practicing what he would say to her over and over and over.  He checked his pocked and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the small package there.

The door opened and Momiji's heart pounded as he stood face to face with his mother.  Suddenly, all thought deserted him – the words he had been planning to say to her vanished from his mind.  He stood there, mouth wide open, unable to find the words to tell her…

"Ah, Momiji-kun.  Merry Christmas!"

Momiji's face brightened.  _Does she remember?_

"What are you doing here?  Why aren't you home with your family?"

Momiji's heart sank.  _What's the use in hoping that she'd remember me?_  "Hello, Auntie.  I just wanted to stop by and wish you a Merry Christmas."

He could see his little sister hiding behind their mother's skirt.  "Hello, cousin Momo.  I have something for you."  He fished out the small package from his pocket.  "I hope you like it."

Momo eagerly accepted the present and whispered shyly, "Thank you."

Momiji's mom bent down and smiled at him.  "That was very thoughtful of you, Momiji-kun."  She reached out and ruffled his hair.

Unable to resist it, Momiji leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek.  "I'll be going now, Auntie.  Merry Christmas again!"

"We'll see you at the New Year's party!"  She waved goodbye to him.

*          *          *

From the moment Momiji got into the car, Hatori knew something was wrong with him.  His usually chatty cousin had returned quiet and pensive.

"The snow is really coming down, isn't it?"

Momiji rested his head on the glass.  "Yes."

"If you want to, I'm allowing you to build a snowman in the rock garden.  I won't mind it this time."

Momiji forced a smile, appreciating Hatori's attempt to cheer him up.  He continued to stare out the window, watching the snow, listening to the wind howl outside the car.

"Hari?"

"What is it?" 

"Can you give people back their memories?"

Hatori gave him an apologetic look.  "If I could, I would have already."

"It's strange, isn't it – to have a mother who doesn't remember you and a sister who doesn't know you exist," Momiji whispered brokenly, his vision blurring from the tears in his eyes.

"Your mother could not accept the fact that you had the curse of the Jyuunishi.  We had to do something."  Hatori offered his handkerchief to Momiji.  "It was for the best."

"I know."  Momiji replied, blowing his nose on the handkerchief.  "I've understood that, but … sometimes, it's just hard to remember the good intentions behind such terrible deeds."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this."

"It isn't your fault, Hari."  Momiji wiped his tears.  "You do the best you can to take care of all of us.  We wouldn't know what we would do if you weren't here."

Hatori nodded in reply.  He made the turn into Shigure's driveway and parked the car in the shaded area beside the house.  "We're here.  Are you sure you're okay?"

"Hari?  Can I have a hug, please?"

Without hesitating, Hatori moved to enfold Momiji in a hug.  He hugged his cousin tight, as though to squeeze from Momiji every feeling of hurt and sadness and transferring them to his own heart.  He hugged him for a long time, letting Momiji cry – waiting for his tears to subside.

Outside, the snow continued to fall, erasing the car tracks that led from outside Shigure's house to the garage.  It continued to fall, covering the ledge of the penthouse window and inside, a mother and her daughter counted each snowflake.  The snow continued to fall and fill the small footprints outside the building where the mother and daughter lived in – footprints that belonged to a seventeen-year old boy.

Inside the car, Hatori waited for the familiar coldness to come and bury the pain in his heart.  Every year, it would come like clockwork – ever since Kana left.  He had decided then that he could not live without her and his heart was dead.  For many years after, he had been numb and indifferent to the world – and he preferred it that way.

That way, he didn't have to sympathize and feel.  That way, he didn't have to participate in life.  That way, he didn't have to ache as much.

But it didn't come.

What surprised him more was that he didn't seem to mind.  The ice that had once encased his heart had finally melted.

_Do you know what snow turns into when it melts?_

**~ Next Chapter:  Christmas Eve**

*          *          *

**Author's Notes:**

Momiji is seventeen in this fic (This happens two years from the start of the manga).

The first two lines in Tooru's note to Hatori are taken from the TV series (episode 8).  They're words that both Kana and Tooru express regarding winter. 

The paragraph (_Outside, the snow continued to fall, erasing the car tracks…_)of this fic was inspired by James Joyce's short story, "The Dead".

  
Added January 30, 2002

Momiji's past is told in Chapter 23, Volume 4 of the manga.  Momiji's mom couldn't accept that her son was cursed by the Jyuunishi.  Hatori had to erase her memory.  She now has a daughter, Momo and they live in the building where Tooru works in as a cleaning lady.


End file.
